The Narcissist Method: How Narcissists Control You in 3 Steps

I’m going to show you the exact method narcissists use to manipulate your perceptions so they can vent to you to get their needs met and put up with their bad feelings. Narcissists are complicated, but they are also formulaic and have remarkable behavior patterns when taught how to spot them.

Narcissists have unresolved personal issues that they are forced to deal with on a regular and ongoing basis. When this barrage of bad feelings hits, his method of relieving the pain is to emotionally abuse others to accept him as their own. All narcissists employ this method because it does three things for them:

• Immediately takes it off. They feel that it is your problem and not theirs. You are the problem and they are free of problems. When you’re feeling bad and going bad, it makes them feel good, especially if they’re the ones who made you feel bad.

• They feel like a good person in the process, another narcissistic requirement, although the definition of good and social good means different things to different narcissists.

• And finally, they enjoy hurting you. They get pleasure from your bread. It makes them feel powerful and in control of you, which makes them feel good and in control of themselves.

They have an inner need to dump their problems on you, but they can’t seem malicious while they’re doing it or they wouldn’t have anything to begin with.

They need to be your “friend” to capitalize on the opportunity to “help” you with the problem they just created for you. Narcissists always make sure there are plenty of problems to capitalize on. If there isn’t a problem, they will create it.

So the problem is not a problem in itself, the problem is that they need a way out right now and they have to create a problem to get it. This is how they turn nothing into something they can use for years and years against you, building from that on.

Here is your procedure:

1. Create a problem that engages you, then spin it around so that you are responsible and obligated to fix it.

It needs to involve you because then they can spin it properly so you have to be the one to fix it. Not only does it involve, but you caused it, you are the source of the problem and your behavior needs to be corrected by them. You are responsible for this particular problem, because it involves something you did, such as leaving clean clothes in the dryer for too long.

Creating problems is the hard part, so they usually keep a list of things in their heads that they can use. This list builds over time, and they constantly find and hold new angles to tease you.

Turning is the easy part, because you’ll be doing the work for them with your low self-esteem. They have already chosen and specially selected you as their victim, and you will bear the brunt of their abuse. While creating a problem requires proof, putting it all on yourself is personal and emotional; it requires no reason or logic. They make you feel like it’s your fault and, being a good person, you’ll rush to fix it.

The problem is that leaving clean clothes in the dryer is not an adequate excuse and cannot justify the abuse they have to inflict on you, so they must make it much worse than it is or they will look bad.

What will be the problem? Well, it all depends on how you behave and live your life. Narcissists turn positive character traits into character flaws that bother them. No matter what you do, they are going to find bad things with you. They have to disagree with you as a person if you’re going to be their doormat.

Your exceptional qualities that set you apart from others are the greatest risk to them. By denigrating the things you hold most dear about yourself, they kill two birds with one stone, not only depleting your source of strength against them, but also turning it into a weapon against you. If you are a human being on planet earth, they will find something “wrong” with you.

2. Position yourself as the Victim of the Problem and the Only One Who Can Possibly Solve It

It is crucial that the distinction is made without saying: you caused the problem and they are its victims, which makes you feel that you are wrong and that you are the bad guy. Unless you take action to remedy it, you did it on purpose and you enjoy hurting him.

Now he speeds it up and dives into trying to alleviate the problem, but something strange happens: they actually prevent him from solving the problem, aggressively obstructing and questioning him.

Why? Because you cannot solve the problem, you are not capable. If you did that you would be good and redeem yourself for abusing them. They should be the ones to do it, because they’re great. They don’t have to figure it out because they’re not responsible for it, but they will because they’re great people.

3. Now that you are forced to solve it, they will undermine you and set you up to fail.

The object here is to make you feel bad, that you were not enough and you failed them not because of a lack of effort but because you are inadequate. Remember that no matter what you do, you will fail, they have already taken care of that.

If you somehow manage to overcome their barriers and solve the problem, they should compensate by being less satisfied with your solution. This is even worse because now they have to abuse you in a different and more direct way to vent their anguish.

Now they just need to steal the limelight, persevere, and “solve” the problem themselves. As you have probably guessed, there is no troubleshooting. Since they are the ones who created the problem, they are in control and can make it go away by not bringing it up again.

It’s “solved” because they feel better and they successfully screwed you over. The issue has served its true purpose by covering up the real issue and can now vanish into thin air.

They feel better because they now have their release, they no longer feel so self-conscious, and their image of themselves is not only intact, but strengthened and unblemished. However, yours is not and you are worse off now than before this “problem” arose.

The problem was that they felt bad and needed to dump it on you. They throw it away because they can’t express it, much less acknowledge it themselves. All they know is that they feel bad and abusing you makes them feel better.

Solving the problem makes things worse for them and for you. They won’t get their release, they’ll feel bad and find another way to vent to you, maybe with the same problem but probably with a new one.

Thank you for reading!