online duel
Losing someone is never easy. The complaint that follows is a process with no time limit. Many people join support groups designed to help those who are grieving, to give them a voice about what their grief is like. In today’s technological world, more and more people are joining these online groups, either through a specific site like Grief Share or social networking sites like Facebook. We no longer have to trudge to a weekly meeting; You no longer have to dress up or go out on the street. You can just log in and you have support. But is this really beneficial?
When I first lost the love of my life, I looked for a support group. I knew I would need more help processing my trip than I could do on my own. Finding none in the immediate area, I entered complaint support groups into my search engine. The results were amazing. Selecting these, I joined a few to start with that seemed to be the best fit. The best thing I found was the availability and the ease with which groups could be entered. The fact that there is so much diversity among the groups makes it easier to find one that fits your needs.
Benefits of online support groups
Ongoing Support: The popularity of online support is that it’s easy. You can share your thoughts, your feelings, the ups and downs of the grievance. You can also share the complaints of others. Having a connection, no matter how tenuous, is important. By sharing this grievance, we can find others who feel and experience the same things. It is through this sharing that everyone realizes that they are not alone. A person no longer feels that she is going crazy because of what she thinks or feels. By helping others, we begin to process our own journey. This is the purpose of such support groups.
No Time Limit: With face-to-face groups, it can often feel like someone is “hogging” your shared time. You also have to wait until the next meeting to be able to share your experiences. In online communities, you’ll find that you can post and share regardless of the time others spend sharing their grievances. You still get answers to questions, feedback about your emotions, but there is no “time” limit. I have found this to be particularly useful because I can share at any time, day or night. Having that feeling that others help you when you need it has no comparison.
When you join these communities, there are a wide variety of people at different stages of their complaint. Many conventional support groups run for a while and then you “graduate.” While these groups are beneficial, not everyone afflicts in the same way or in the same amount of time. This journey is unique for each person and the relationship with the person who died. Setting a time limit on when you should finish it is an outdated idea that just doesn’t work. This has been helpful to me because it means that my going through this process is not on a fixed schedule or that I am stuck simply because I am not at a certain point at a certain time.
No judging what stage you’re at: With the vast experiences of the online community, you can give hope to newcomers, while allowing “old timers” the opportunity to share the knowledge they’ve gained. The widow who has been trying to rebuild her life can get hope from the widower who has started to move on. By sharing their experiences, each side can benefit from the other. After many family members and friends have disappeared, the bereaved person seeks others to help them process everything. The benefit of this is that, in most online communities, there is little judgment about where you are in your process. No one tells you to get over it or move on. The people in these groups understand what you are experiencing.
Free Support – One of the biggest benefits of online groups compared to conventional groups is that there is often a fee involved with conventional groups. Few online support communities ask for a fee, but it is relatively minimal compared to the weekly cost of the conventional group. For those who are strapped for money, they can still get the support they need at no extra expense. There are no special books to buy, all you need is your computer and Internet access.
No Set Meeting Times: Another benefit of online support groups is that you can “go” when it’s most convenient for you. It’s not a scheduled time, and there always seems to be someone to “talk” to. You can make several friends and discover how people from all over the world seem to have the same thoughts, feelings and experiences as you. This helps people realize that while their grievance is unique to them, they all share a similarity that is desperately needed when grieving. I have had trouble sleeping due to nightmares associated with my loss. It was nice to be able to jump in the middle of the night and find someone who was also having trouble sleeping. Sharing with each other, many times I was able to get some sleep, knowing that what I was feeling was normal.
Negatives in online complaint support groups
Continual Posts Remind You of Your Own Loss: One of the biggest problems with support groups online or on social media is that people can get bogged down. Checking in daily or hourly can be pretty depressing. Seeing all the different people, reading their posts, one can get caught up in their complaint. Knowing when to back off can be hard to discern. This can create even worse chaos in a person’s life than the grievance they feel. I’ve had this happen to me, checking in to see how others were doing and to share a small step forward, only to get shot down by some of the posts. Seeing what others are posting about what they are missing or missing their loved ones reminded me once again of my own loss.
Isolation: Another big theme, is that when you can get your support at home, you don’t have to leave your house and face the world. This can cause you to isolate yourself from your friends and family. Part of grieving is figuring out how to live your life without your loved one. I found myself isolating myself because I didn’t have to go out. I had isolated myself from the computer, without going out and trying to live ahead. I found that this kept me stuck in my depression. Increased feelings the world just doesn’t understand what his loss has meant to me. The people in the group do. i’ll just stay there
While grievance is a normal part of life, how we deal with it and where we get our support is important. Using online social networking sites or online support communities is one way to begin processing your complaint. But knowing when to step back, knowing when to start dealing with the world around you is an important part of this process. Making sure you don’t get stuck in any part of this process is up to you to decide if you’re ready to move on.