How fair is your life?

I guess we’ve all had some experience with that friend who always orders the most expensive item on the menu, who never shows up on time to pay for someone’s coffee, or who disappears into the bathroom on his rounds. Either the trader who quotes but then under-delivers, or the golden boy who can’t be wrong.

So many situations in life can seem unfair, that we are being marginalized or disrespected. But just because we’ve been there longer doesn’t automatically mean we’ll get the next promotion, just because we’ve put a lot of time and effort into baking a cake means it will turn out beautiful, or even edible. !

How do we avoid feeling wronged, hurt or discouraged when we feel rejected, discarded or undervalued, when every part of us cries, ‘how fair is our life?’

– We can see people who are better or worse than us and ask ourselves ‘why me?’ or even ‘why not me?’ But life is not always fair and even those who seem to have it all in life often have their own challenges and crosses to endure.

– Accept that not all decisions, situations or choices that are made have to do with you. There are often several other factors that influence the actions of others and only a few will directly relate to you.

– Are you almost unintentionally giving permission for unfair things to happen to you? We all have a personal responsibility to say how we feel, object or at least comment if things happen that we don’t like. Discussing feedback, saying ‘we need to talk’ can provide an opportunity to find out how other people perceive the situation and how they want to handle matters. Mutual perception can contribute to a better understanding.

– Keep a mental or even physical record of your successes. If you feel that you are in the middle of too many injustices, stop and remember all your achievements and positive actions during the last months, the breaks that have come your way.

I remember a time when professional CV writers were brought into a large organization that I used to work for in the past. They were there to help any member of staff who was under threat of dismissal. When I read mine, I initially didn’t recognize myself in it! What they had written was amazing. It’s easy to take for granted or overlook what we’re good at, but equally, if we’re treated unfairly instead of focusing on the negative, we need to remind ourselves of our varied abilities and talents.

– Surround yourself with good friends, fans and ambassadors, people who recognize your value and are happy to build you up. Negative people work like drains, draining energy and happiness from our lives. Inject joy, in the form of positive people who love you, respect you and are enthusiastic about you, those people who sometimes also push you, but who do everything with love and affection.

– Do things you know you’re good at. You can have a lovely way with people, children, animals, you can be good at sports, music, gardening, DIY. Doing things that boost your self-esteem and confidence helps you see past any immediate injustice or negativity and instead treat it as a minor irritation that doesn’t affect your mood or motivation levels.

– Accept praise and compliments. How many times do we hear criticism or negative comments, even if they come from a lonely voice in a sea of ​​praise and well wishes. It can become automatic to brush off great comments about our positive efforts and contributions, perhaps suspecting that others are being polite or don’t really mean what they say. While self-hatred has its place, there are times, especially in potentially unfair situations, when it’s important to accept positive feedback.

– Tell others what you have done, not in a boastful or boastful way, but letting them see your contribution, the time and effort you have invested. It can be easy to assume that others already know what we’ve done, the obstacles we’ve jumped and overcome. But, that is not always the case. Let others be impressed by you, value your skills, talents, and energy, and give you due appreciation and recognition.

– Why not highlight the unfair behavior of other people? They may have gotten so used to taking advantage, shorting your investment, treating you unfavorably, that they don’t even realize how bad they’ve been behaving. Call them back by recapping and reminding them of their original agreement or setup, simply excluding them from future plans, or saying, ‘you handle this, it’s your turn now!’ can offer an important wake-up call.

And remember that perspective is the key to how we react and respond to life’s experiences. One person may feel victimized and harassed, while another may not care or even realize how they have been treated. If we are too tired or stressed, we are likely to be more sensitive to negative things that happen to us and have a lower tolerance level. Practice good self-care, manage stress, and you’ll gradually find yourself less aware of whether your life is ‘fair’ or not.