Finding the humor in spirituality
As Mark Twain said, “Humour is mankind’s greatest blessing.” As a thank you for your many blessings, we hope you’ll appreciate the humor in the quotes below. Some of the quotes may seem too negative to be spiritual, but we believe that questioning spirituality is a good thing and can be spiritual too.
“I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: ‘O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.’ And God granted it.” Voltaire
“When it comes to bullshit…big time, big league bullshit…you have to admire the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims…religion.” Jorge Carlin
“I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.” Jorge Carlin
“I started worshiping the sun for a number of reasons. First of all, unlike any other gods I could mention, I can see the sun. It’s there for me every day. And the things it brings me are pretty obvious all the time.” time: heat, light, food and a beautiful day. There is no mystery, no one asks for money, I don’t have to dress up and there is no boring pageantry. And interestingly enough, I have found that the prayers I offer to the sun and the prayers I previously offered to “God” are all answered at about the same 50% rate.” Jorge Carlin
“I have as much authority as the Pope, but I don’t have as many people who believe it.” Jorge Carlin
“I am completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own that the two together are certain death.” Jorge Carlin
“Religion has convinced people that there is an invisible man… living in heaven. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do.” And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish so that you will live forever, and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. … But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs money.” Jorge Carlin
“Religion is like a pair of shoes…find one that fits you, but don’t make me wear your shoes.” Jorge Carlin
“What year did Jesus think it was?” Jorge Carlin
“Muslims keep their Sabbath on Friday, Jews keep Saturday and Christians keep Sunday. By the time Monday comes around, God is completely exhausted.”
Jorge Carlin
“Atheism is a non-prophetic organization.” Jorge Carlin
“Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it’s time to pause and reflect.” Mark Twain
“Go to heaven for the weather, go to hell for the company.” Mark Twain
“A man is accepted into a church for what he believes and is expelled for what he knows.” Mark Twain
“In religion and politics, people’s beliefs and convictions are almost always obtained at second hand and without examination” Mark Twain
“Anyone who thinks that sitting in church can make you a Christian must also think that sitting in a garage can make you a car.” Garrison Keillor
“When did I realize it was God? Well, I was praying and all of a sudden I realized I was talking to myself.” Peter O’Toole
“Blasphemy: A law to protect an almighty supernatural deity from hurting his feelings.” ricky gervais
“Life in Lubbock, Texas taught me… that sex is the most horrible and disgusting thing in the world and you should save it for someone you love.” butch hancock
“When I was a kid, I used to pray every night for a new bike. Then I realized that the Lord doesn’t work like that, so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.” emo philips
“Life goes by fast. Enjoy it. Calm down. It’s all fun. Next. Everyone gets so mad about the wrong things.” Juana Rios
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