Eden Regained – Igniting the Flame of Relationships
Someone recently wrote questioning the value of Human Design principles.
Why do we need to know what type we are? What value does it have for our personal journey?
Surely it is necessary to work on relationships, that is what relationships are.
In that article I wrote that “the deepest healing potential is available within a relationship.” The truth is that we are all here to have a relationship with each other in some way, so let us understand and make the best use of that relationship. Let’s use that potential for growth through understanding instead of digging deeper and deeper into misunderstandings until finally two right people just can’t go any further. Know the difference between when the power is over and when there is still a spark of hope.
Perhaps some people believe in perpetual suffering. Anyone who has a defined emotional center, the solar plexus, will be caught up in the roller coaster of life, in pain and suffering, as well as in the joy, delight and wonder of life. They see life from both perspectives, but do we really need to be stuck in it if we’re not one of those people? We can learn to see what is happening and take a step back. This helps create a healthy relationship.
Other people believe that life revolves around them. And maybe it will. If you are born on a “right angled cross”, then life revolves around you. You’re not really too interested in each other. But some of those others need people like you. This is your Cross of Incarnation, giving the influence of the Sun and Earth at the time of your birth and 88 days before birth when our genes first impact us. Did you know that? Our genes have two points of influence, first 88 days before birth and then at the time of our birth. Nothing happens by accident. People who are born on “left angle crosses” only see the other; they have no idea of their own personal destiny, of their own journey; your own needs. It doesn’t matter if those people with the right-angled cross are who you’re married to, who you work with, or just your friends. You still need to have them in your life.
Knowing even this simple piece brings more harmony to a relationship. Imagine if you knew more. If you know you’re married to someone who has those defined solar plexus ups and downs. What if you don’t have the same? Do you know how to deal with those lows? Do you know how to respond when everything you do is wrong? Do you know that with these people there is no truth in the moment? Or do you suffer each time, walking away and never solving the problem? Do you wonder what’s going on? Did your parents fight? How did you manage those moments? Did you hide, or just didn’t even notice those ups and downs?
Relationships need to be worked on, but not forever, and not with one party numb or giving way to the other. Not in a way that you have to create rigid strategies to deal with unpleasant moments. I’ve seen so many unbalanced relationships where it works well because one party can always win while the other leaves that person in control. We call this “understanding” each other. I have also seen the couple who quietly agree to keep the peace flourish when that relationship ends.
When a man describes his marriage by saying, “We have never had an argument in our married life,” it is because he has dominated his wife and she has become insensitive just to keep the peace. Or vice versa.
There are many reasons why relationships don’t last and why they aren’t meant to last. Our genes have a purpose and that is to mutate. They love change, they love to be different. They want to evolve. The human mind, however, is preoccupied with change. People like the familiar; they like things to stay the same. They “know where they are” and this makes life easier. The same old familiar routine feels safe. Our genes bring two very different people together so they can use those differences to mutate. We are designed to mutate and change, to move forward; evolve. But as long as we resist change we will continue to live in fear. The two people may not choose to stay together once the incoming souls have arrived. The mutation has been allowed; the job is done There is nothing sentimental about evolution. There is simply attraction.
We live in a world that keeps us living off our adrenal glands. Because of this we look for those places of safety in our lives. And when we find security, we stand firm in it. Just what our genes hate, which is why they finally take us out of our safe place. This is the world we live in now. We are governed by our mind; we have no idea. We are drawn like the moth to the flame, to where there is safety, even if it is not healthy for us, even if it kills us.
There is safety in not knowing. There is safety in not understanding each other. Nobody is perfect; it is something ongoing, something we can work on. It gives the mind something to focus on, our growth process. Is that what we’re really here to do: use wrestling as a growth process?
There is a different way. We can be part of that process of change that our genes yearn for. We can be involved with it instead of resisting it. We can understand it. We can discover the joys and beauty of life, of being in one body for life. The journey is our journey, our experience, and through our relationships with others we can make it a better experience. There is so much more we can get out of life when we are in a good, healthy relationship than when we use our energy to focus on the work necessary to strengthen a relationship that can never be right.
Knowing the map is a path. It is a simple way. It has answers beyond what we seek. It has depth beyond our first impressions. It means that we can start living our real purpose, because yes, the map shows us our purpose. When we know our purpose, we say, “Is that what I’m here for? It’s so easy, it’s what I already do.” When you do what you’re already doing, you can do it without those little doubts that pop into your head that say, “Shouldn’t I be working harder instead of doing what I love?” We are very good at sabotaging ourselves and making life more difficult for ourselves. The map will show you all your self-sabotaging patterns and you will not only learn to work on your own private relationship, but also how you relate to the world. We all have our own personal routes to escape from ourselves; some are even secrets from our conscious minds.
When you first find the map and do your first reading, you discover how hard you’ve worked to improve what you shouldn’t be. We all live as what is called the “not-me” and we keep improving the “not-me”, sometimes even with the help of a psychiatrist. Are we then really relating to our loved ones, or is it our “not-self” relating to their “not-self”? So, with our “not-me” improved, do we like ourselves more or do we tolerate ourselves more?
What we gain by knowing each other deeply is authenticity. You can’t help liking someone who is authentic. You never dance with someone who is authentic, wondering if you might say something wrong, misunderstanding what he says. You never have to be on your guard. It just doesn’t matter. Whatever you do it just doesn’t matter. Nothing is taken personally and no judgments are made. After a while you realize why you are meant to be together. You find your common purpose and life takes on a much deeper meaning than the pain of healing wounds.
I have a 19-year-old son who is a computer genius. He often tells me, “There’s an easier way to do it, Mom.” I have learned a lot and made my life easier by letting him show me his way. His “Cross of the Incarnation” is the “Cross of Eden”. Resistance to change is the biggest barrier to living our real lives; Let’s all try to bring Heaven to Earth and create our own Garden of Eden.
Philipa Dinnen