Triathlon Divorce

Being a psychologist, as well as a health / fitness coach, I tend to always analyze human behavior and what motivates people to do what they do. After all, no matter what we do it has some kind of benefit to us, either directly or indirectly. Skinner was always one of my favorites and I tend to be shy towards behavioral models / theories of human behavior.

Having had extensive training and experience in working with people with suicidal tendencies / ideas, I was always aware of the phenomenon of “Suicide By Cop”. If you are unfamiliar with “Suicide by Cop”, it is the phrase used for people who are suicidal and decide to break a law that will involve police intervention. When the intervention is presented in the form of a law enforcement officer, the suicidal individual draws a weapon or makes some kind of threat towards the police that will end in the death of that individual. Obviously this is a dead end situation where a person who needed help does not get it and the officer who is trying to do his job is left with the guilt of taking his own life.

Where does triathlon fit into this equation? By reading blogs, meeting, training, and being a triathlete myself, and combining all of this with my background in psychology and behaviorism, I couldn’t help but start to make some comparisons in this type of human behavior. It is a common and well known fact that Ironman distance triathlons or any ultra distance race (running / cycling) require a great deal of time, commitment and dedication to training. Those who accept this challenge know very well what they are embarking on. For some, this challenge and level of commitment may be a way to develop self-esteem, sense of purpose, feeling of accomplishment, or a combination of all three. For me it was mainly because of the feeling of accomplishment and self-worth. I’m sure there were other factors involved that I’m still unaware of that played a role in the possession of me waking up at 4am and riding my trainer and then running an hour at lunchtime, just to ride my bike another 2 hours outside after work. However, this type of behavior definitely deserves a psychological explanation. I feel like it was mainly a way of escaping from some things that I was dealing with at work and also a way of feeling like I was making progress in my life. After all, Americans are addicted to achievement and I am no different.

Anyway, back to the high divorce rate in triathlon / endurance sports. I started to think that some maybe train for a number of reasons. One of them that came to mind is the idea of ​​what I call “Triathlon Divorce”. Like “Suicide by Cop”, the individual begins to cause a situation in his relationship with his partner that forces the desired result. In this case, the result is divorce. When you have an athlete training especially for Ironman distances, it is not uncommon for them to put in 15-20 hours a week for months and months. This puts a great deal of stress on that person’s spouse, especially if they have children and a job above all else. Usually the spouse tolerates it during the race, the triathlete finishes the race, calls himself an “Ironman” and everyone comes back to life as usual. However, some do not stop there. They find this lifestyle quite enjoyable and decide to keep competing and training for future Ironman events. No, I think we are entering a new realm. This is no longer a one-time event, but a lifestyle change. Enter “Divorce by Triathlon”.

Now there is no end in sight to training, racing, and time away from his “old” individual life. Most spouses tolerate this depending on their ability, but ultimately the end result is “Triathlon Divorce.” The non-competing spouse becomes frustrated and trouble begins. In my opinion, it is not fair or reasonable to expect this from your spouse. I know because I did it and realized it wasn’t worth it.

I feel like some can compete in the Ironman distance and live reasonably normal lives. However, I think these people are in the minority. I often wonder how many wives, husbands and children of lone triathletes wonder when the madness will end. I know this is not going to go very well with most Ironman distance competitors, but I am also here to say that there is a lifetime of outstanding fitness in case YOU decide to follow it. There is no shame in sprint distance or Olympic distance events. The belief that longer is better is, in my opinion, obsolete at this point IF your goal is to be a healthy person. You will also find that many retired professional triathletes have reached these same conclusions. There is more to life. Being exceptionally fit does not mean you are exceptionally healthy. The two concepts are not the same.