Spirit of Southern Hospitality – Alive and Kicking or Gone with the Wind?

What does it mean to be a ‘southerner’ or a ‘southerner’? That question was posed to me last night via email by my good friend, Greg, who is originally from New York but moved to Atlanta several years ago. Instead of answering him directly, I responded to his email with the same question: “What do YOU ​​think it means to be considered ‘Southern’?” My alias, ‘The Spirited Southerner,’ is what initially prompted the question from him, but since he is a colored man from the great state of New York, I was curious whether or not his interpretation of the terms had a positive connotation.

My friend Greg informed me that his father is from Lake Hartwell, Georgia and his mother is from North Carolina. His family traveled often to his parents’ hometowns over the years, so the South was not ‘new’ to him. In fact, he shared early memories of the area. He remembered the country stores with the blast doors, and driving down the two-lane highways where people waved from their front porches, whether they knew you or not. His first impressions of him were that the people of the South were polite and friendly, open, very trusting and very relaxed. He was born in New York, but actually moved to Atlanta from Virginia twenty years ago. Since he became a resident of Atlanta, he noticed two things about the ‘modern’ South. #1: Most of the people here now are from everywhere BUT the South, so not everyone is as hospitable as you remember. #2: Some of the southerners who were born here are not as openly hospitable because they are more aware of the “transplants” from the south that their more reserved cultures brought with them when they moved here. Southerners are still a very forgiving people, but to a degree unforgiving, which is a milder way of saying resentful of the past. He also shared with me that shortly after moving to Atlanta in 1986, he had a business appointment in Gainesville, Georgia. This was shortly after Oprah Winfrey aired a show in which she visited the town of Cumming, GA, in Forsyth County. In order to reach her destination, she had no choice but to drive through Cumming and she was very careful when doing so. She set out to complete his business to get back on the road long “before the sun went down.” When asked if he feels ‘at home’ in Atlanta now, Greg’s response was: “Absolutely. I really miss it when I go back to Virginia or New York and always look forward to coming home to southern hospitality. I just wish I could.” “. there was still more of that.”

As a native of Atlanta, Georgia for a little over 59 years, I have seen the South and ‘Southerners’ change in many ways, while remaining the same in many others. But what constitutes the ‘south’? The division of North and South began when two surveyors, Charles Mason and Jeremiah Dixon, laid out what is known as the famous Mason-Dixon Line. It was surveyed almost two and a half centuries ago, between 1763 and 1767, in the resolution of a border dispute in colonial North America. However, it is most commonly associated with the split between the “free states” of the north and the “slave states” of the south during the American Civil War era, almost a century and a half ago.

After the Civil War, the Mason-Dixon line continued to be regarded as a cultural boundary related to literacy, financial and industrial development, as well as social progress and racial integration. Well into the 21st century we still refer to ourselves as ‘northerns’ or ‘southerners’. With northerners nicknamed ‘Yankees,’ I remember my uncle explaining that “the difference between a Yankee and a goddamn Yankee is that Yankees only visit, while goddamn Yankees move here forever.” It is not enough that we have racial, age, and class discrimination and discord in this country; we also have regional divisions.

As I attend my book signings and public events I am always surrounded by a multiplicity of accents. There are foreign accents from every country on the planet, just as there are obvious northern and, of course, southern accents. While some northern accents can seem harsh or abrupt, bordering on loud and abrasive, there are some southern accents with the long accent that many find irritating and poorly literate. Northerners make fun of southern accents, while southerners mimic their northern counterparts. Whenever there’s a movie with southern characters, they’re almost always sure to ‘over-play’ the accent in such a way that it scrapes a true southerner’s eardrums, like fingernails scratching a slate.

In a recent survey conducted on the Atlanta, Georgia’s Fulton High School Alumni website, responses were mixed but similar to the question:

“What does it mean to be a southerner or southerner?” For example, Jean, who was born and raised in the South, spent two years in Boston. Although they teased her every time she opened her mouth, she always tried to show them southern charm and respect. Jean believes that being a southerner means showing respect for everyone, especially the elderly, saying “Yes, ma’am/sir” and “No, ma’am/sir”, and opening a door for others, especially ladies and seniors, which he says he never saw in Boston. Jean went on to describe being a Southerner as smiling at others and saying “hi,” being kind, even to strangers, and expressing appreciation by saying “thank you.” During her stay in Boston, she said people just didn’t smile and God forbid if she asked how to get there. On the lighter side, he shared his idea of ​​”southern” as iced tea and Sunday dinner, family spending time together and looking out for each other, helping friends and neighbors, especially when they’re going through hard times. And she adds: “Sureño used to mean a little slower pace in life, although now I’m not so sure that’s the case.” She closed by saying, “Being a Southerner is a good feeling in your heart that I almost lost in Boston.”

Another survey response was from Frank, who is also a southerner by birth. He says that a southerner enjoys all 4 seasons of the year, from the oppressive heat and humidity to the notorious ice storms that can paralyze a city for days. And, of course, it means running to the store for milk and bread every time the weather forecast calls for snow.

In addition, he considers that a southerner is tolerant with others, always polite and respectful. He describes a true southern man as “a gentleman who still has a door for a woman, even in this day and age of women’s movements.” And he adds: “A true southern woman will still accept small favors, like having a man open the door for her, without thinking of the worst.”

Mark Pollard is a well-known historian among the alumni, and his knowledge of the Civil War and southern history is incredible. His response was so deeply written: “We may leave the South to study, to find love, to earn a living, to seek adventure or opportunity, but a true southerner always returns home, even if only in a pine box. Like anyone who lives In the South I can tell you, it is a place of extremes and contradictions: we are known for our kindness, but remembered for the Civil War, often considered rednecks, but producers of buckets full of presidents, senators, and noble warriors.The South seems to relish life a little longer than the rest of the country. I know Moonshine is not something in the sky but something out of a mason jar and I know that every good southerner has a hound dog in the sky.”

Another response came from Billy, obviously as proud as any southerner you’d ever meet, who said in no uncertain terms, and I quote, “Being a southerner is by the grace of God.”

For the most part, these responses could easily be summed up in the infamous term “Southern Hospitality.” That’s the term used to describe the genuine kindness and welcome that southerners extend to “outsiders.” Being nice is making strangers feel comfortable while respecting their rights to have opinions, and without causing a “ruffle,” even when a few feathers have been ruffled. Hospitality and manners go hand in hand, and while these traits can be learned as an adult, they are more easily instilled in children when they are raised to treat others with respect. That can be done anywhere… not just in the South. However, the true Spirit of Southern Hospitality only lives as long as we continue to bring it to life through our actions. That can only be accomplished by setting good examples for the many who are now “Southern by Choice,” having moved here from other areas of the country…and the world.

There’s one sure way to tell if someone is really Southern at heart, and that’s to offer them a big bowl full of buttered “grits,” “crackling cornbread,” or a “banana sandwich.” If their upper lip curls up, chances are they were not southerners by birth. But give them a chance: These native Southern region dishes can quickly become an acquired taste. Hospitality can rub off, and given enough time, so can the accent, as in “Yaw will be back now, do you hear me?”